the paradox of war

"When the fighters are all around,

All the lovers are on the ground..."

(Lupe Fiasco)

30 Day Challenge: DAY 10: person you do crazy shit with

Day 10: A picture of the person you do the most fucked up things with.






Whether we're getting wasted at her birthday and dancing all over glass, or randomly running down the street from my mother at a teenage New Years celebration (for no reason- Mom wasn't even looking for us), my best friend/sister from another moms Bee is someone I always end up doing crazy shit with.

The first time we got piffed in the 9th grade we ended up at some forest (after I'd bought a XXXL hoodie, convinced it would hide the smell) with our distaster of a spliff, vowing never to tell anyone about our adventure. She was right by my side as my birthday/New Years Eve took a crazy turn in Montreal, and I can never forget our countless midnight adventures as 15 year olds who thought they were so cool staying out till 2 am on a weekday.
We've gone to wild parties, witnessed crazy moments that you wouldn't even believe if I told you, and encountered some of the most psychotic characters the world has to offer. One of my only memories of my first part-time job (which of course, Bee and I had together) is of us intentionally jamming nuggets, coffee, fries, sauces, and apple pies into the soft-serve ice cream machine, only to be let off the hook with a slap on the wrist when it broke.
I've gotten into more mischief with this girl than anyone else I know, and somehow I don't seem to mind. It's like we feed off each other's energy- almost competing with/challenging each other to do fucked up things (like the time she bought me chocolate-covered crickets and dared me to eat them). Anyone who knows either of us always seems to know that when one of us is in trouble or doing something reckless, the other ones nearby.

I look forward to doing so much more fucked up shit with Bee, and taking our reckless adventures around the world...

Lupe Verse

If hiphop could speak, I would elect Lupe Fiasco as it's voice...

30 Day Challenge: DAY 9: whose gotten you through the most?

Day 9: A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.




I'm sure this is supposed to be the part where you get all sentimental, post a picture of one of your conveniently appointed "best friends" and write a bunch of crap drawing on memories when he or she "got you through" something. While that's lovely and all, and I would not be who I am or where I am today were it not for the selected number of people who have helped me overcome things, this is also an exercise in honesty and self-realization. And what I'm slowly to coming to realize is the strength of my character, the tenacity I've surprised myself with, and the amount of bullshit obstacles life has thrown my way that I alone have climbed over and can look back at with a feeling of accomplishment.

I remember around the 9th grade, when I started becoming aware of the diminishing role Christianity (and any religion for that matter) was playing in my life an being more vocal about this, people's go-to question would be: "so what do you believe in?" And in automatic response, my reply would be "myself".
But as adolescence turned adulthood, real life, failure and plenty of proverbial scrapes on my knee would soon show me: it's not that easy to believe in yourself. I mean it sounds good to, and I'm sure all those mantra's you're taught to say while looking in the mirror are beneficial, but is that real? I guess, yes and no. More and more, I'm finding that in my darkest moments and lowest points, when my friends and family have failed to be there (whether thats their fault or mine), one thing remains constant- and that is me. I disappoint myself like every other human does, I make mistakes that I can kick myself for, and I exhibit very poor errors in judgment. At the end of the day though, when shit hits the wall and no one is around to clean it up, I leave myself no choice but to pick up and move. Move on, move forth, move away, move up- just move.
While I appreciate the role my loved ones have played in ensuring my sanity and helping me pick up the broken pieces, I've learned that I cannot always rely on this extra help. 


Thus, the person who has gotten me through the most is: ME.

30 Day Challenge: DAY 8: laughable picture

Day 8: A picture that makes you laugh.

Snapped a few years ago at my birthday celebrations in Montreal, this picture captures everything that night was. From a last minute change of plans that had us doing the New Years countdown with our crazy French cab driver, to ending up at a strip club and popping bottles the night away...

This foo dropped my birthday cake, we took over that hotel floor, and we smoked a super blunt. There were more bottles in our rooms than guests, and the drive was fun, (even though its tough to coordinate a 3-car road trip). 

The people on this trip made it so worth it, and I had such an awesome birthday! 

Oh yeah, and that writing on his back? That aint even the half of it... you should've seen the makeup on his face ;)

J. Cole x 1LoveT.O.

Came across this interview J. Cole did with T-rexxx of 1 LOVE T.O. (Yaaaay Toronto!)
I love how organic his answers seem and how natural and humble he comes across as. His reactions are hilarious and that winking business is priceless...

And was it just me, or did he seem stoned? hahaha


J.Cole Interview from T-Square Media on Vimeo.

R.I.P. John Lennon

R.I.P John Lennon

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..."

- John Winston Lennon

(Oct. 9 1940 - Dec. 8, 1980)

The Secret Trial 5

Last night I had the pleasure of attending my friend Amar Wala's website release for a film he's currently producing under working title "The Secret Trial 5".

"The Secret Trial 5 is a new crowdfunded documentary that examines the human impact of Canada’s “war on terror”; specifically the use of security certificates, a tool that allows for indefinite detention, with no charges, and secret evidence. Over the last decade, 5 men have been held under security certificates in Canada. They spent between 2 and 7 years in prison each. None of them was ever charged with a crime." 

(http://secrettrial5.com)

Amar, who is producing and directing the documentary, is an award-winning filmmaker from Toronto. His short film, The Good Son captures the story of a young Egyptian refugee who is asked to translate for his father as CSIS (Canadian Securities and Intelligence Services) officers interrogate him in their home. The film is based on the true story of Mahmoud Jaballah, who is one of the subjects of the upcoming Secret Trial 5; it has been screened and awarded at various festivals worldwide.


Now, the amazing part of this entire project (other than the fact that it brings to light a Canadian issue which is largely hidden and ignored), is the crowdfunding part. "Crowd-funding describes the collective cooperation, attention and trust by people who network and pool their money together, usually via the Internet, in order to support efforts initiated by other people or organizations. Crowdfunding occurs for any variety of purposes, from disaster relief to citizen journalism to artists seeking support from fans, to political campaigns." (wikipedia). And, it shall work for this film.


Please click here to donate to this project. There's a great little breakdown of how all the funds will be allotted, and a list of the benefits you get with each donated amount. You can be a part of important decisions like the movie title, movie poster design, etc.


And make sure you visit the website in the mean time. You'll be able to watch The Good Son, keep tabs on the production, visit their blogs, and learn more about security certificates. That great little animation ^^ is nothing compared to the rest of the site :).

30 Day Challenge: DAY 7: treasured item

Day 7: A picture of your most treasured item.

my mind.

When time takes my most valued possessions, when expensive items I've owned get lost or destroyed, when I wake up and am having an "ugly day", and when people walk in and out of my life, there's one thing I treasure- my mind.

I love that I question things. I love that I have an insatiable thirst for knowledge. I love that I'm insanely curious about the mechanics of the world, and that I seek to learn new things. I love that I can take a critical approach and that I sometimes over-analyze. I love that I can think pragmatically, but that my creativity allows me to interpret the beauty of things.

I value my mind and my thinking process.

30 Day Challenge: DAY 6: someone you'd like to trade places with for a day

Day 6: A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.

"First I snatched the streets, then I snatched the charts,

First I had they ears, now I have their hearts,
Rappers came and went,

I been here from the start.

Seen them put it together,

Watched them take it apart...

This is not an image

This is God given

This is hard livin'..."

I wanna know what it's like to walk onto a stage, and see thousands of people cheering for you.

I wanna know what it's like to be quoted by artists, academics, fans and critics alike.

I wanna know what it's like to push limits in a genre I helped shape,

and then I wanna know what it's like to set higher bars and reach those too.

I wanna know what its like to be credited, scorned, and etched in the pages of history by people who have never heard another hiphop song.

I wanna know what its like to be recognized as a creator, success story, hard worker, artist, and entrepreneur.

I wanna know what it's like to be looked up to by kids who aint got shit but a dream and a standard that I set.

I wanna know what it's like to grind for years, make millions off my grind, and then go in even harder.

Most of all, as someone making something out of nothing, I wanna know what it's like to sit in my Italian leather seat, in my penthouse suite, looking out the window at my city-skyline view, and know that I did this all for me...

"ideas shape the course of history"

"The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our ways--I to die, and you to live.  Which to the better fate, is known only to God."

- Socrates reported last words at trial, before drinking the fatal hemlock 

When warriors die, battles are forgotten, and inventions are replaced by new technologies, one thing survives- ideas.


They are irreversable and unalterable once shared, and can change the course of history in and of themselves. 


Ideas give birth to revolutions.
Ideas frame the era in which they are formed.
Ideas can completely change the way a society thinks- for good or bad.


When one persuasive person lays down an idea for an impressionable people, he or she has successfully altered the future actions of these people. And thats whether or not they realize it.


Ideas propel us to create.
Ideas shape our view of the divine.
Ideas can compel us to help our fellow man,
But 
Ideas also help us destroy on a mass scale,


Ideas forever impression themselves into the pages of history...

"The Death of Socrates"

30 Day Challenge: DAY 5: favourite memory

Day 5: A picture of your favorite memory.

Sharm (Red Sea), Egypt- 2010

Some of my favourite memories always seem to stem from my trips to Egypt. I've discovered close family members, met new friends and family, partied till the sun came up and experienced new sounds, tastes, and views. I've spent countless hours reading on a sunny beach, travelled horseback/camelback and aboard a plane/train/antique car/boat/ and any other transport imaginable. I've marvelled at the creations of my ancestors, learned what we as Canadians take for granted, broadened my political palette, and met people from all walks of life who have left ineraseable impressions on me. 


Most of all, I learned a lot about myself and my place in the bigger picture. And those are the sort of memories one can never seem to forget...

30 Day Challenge: DAY 4: my night

Day 4: A picture of your night

(Photo courtesy of: Karla 'Hustlegrl' Moy)

Getting to see my favourite rapper perform, right in the front of the crowd, with VIP tickets and an after-party to match: Need I say more?

What do YOU want from life?

I was flipping through the paper yesterday, and came across a little blurb about Deepak Chopra's upcoming Toronto visit. Chopra is a celebrated, well-respected doctor and author, and is often considered "the poet-prophet of alternative medicine".
Anyway, as much as I've heard about this ground-breaking thinker, and as big a fan I am of his tweets, I cannot actually say I've read any of his books. But, there were a couple of quotes in this blurb that really stuck out to me:

"Slow down, then practice body awareness and meditation... Remain centered no matter what and breathe through it. Ask yourself, 'who am I and what do I really want from life?'..."

So simple, yet so profound. I donno about you guys, but I definitely can speak for myself when I say that is a fundamental question which I don't really know I've ever answered. I mean we all have our little existential moments in which we ask ourselves who we are- whenever we second-guess ourselves, kick ourselves in the ass for something we did or failed to do, or questioned an observation someone made about us. Then there are those of us who consciously look in the mirror and seek to find who we are-our essence, what distinguishes us from the rest of the human race.

But I doubt I am alone in realizing that I don't really ask what I want out of life. Its almost like when JFK famously said "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country", but in reverse. I mean we get caught up in so much bullshit that we're forced to think in a "me against the world" mentality. We can instantly come up with a list of shit that isn't working out for us, roadblocks we've met with, and failures we've experienced. I often find myself grumbling about how "idle" I feel in life, or wishing "this and that" were to happen.

The point is though, that sort of thinking, and a failure to clearly outline (if only to ourselves) what we WANT OUT OF LIFE is only gonna result in not getting what we want. I need to face myself, and be honest about what I want. What am I asking of the universe? (remember that old Bible psalm:"Ask and ye shall receive? Well, same idea). Only when we lay that out can we construct the path that might quickly reach us there. Having a vague idea of what sort of result you're looking for wont work either: I gotta know with every fibre of my being that THIS is what I want out of life- this is the end I hope to reach through means x, y, and z...


As one of my favourite lines in The Alchemist goes, "When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream."

30 Day Challenge: DAY 3: favourite cast

Day 3: A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

I've grown up with them (even though they never actually age), and they've been the source of much of my laughter over the years. I would not be the same me if I wasn't quoting Homer's stupidest statements, imitating Sideshow Bob's evil British accent, or analyzing episode-by-episode.


I see a little bit of each character in me: Lisa's cute nerdiness, Homer's ditzy moments, Bart's bad-ass-ness, Marge's worrisome moments, Selma & Louise's roasting sessions, and Moe's constant search for anyone who cares about him.


The Simpsons has always been one of my favourite shows, and like the timeless characters on it, I'm pleased with the new episodes but treasure all the classics...

30 Day Challenge: DAY 2: closest person

Day 2: A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.

This one was easy: my big sister (right), MARZ!! (a.k.a Marlin)


We never agree about anything, we get under each other's skins, and we're both the hardest-headed mofo's I know- but that has allowed us to become as close as can be. You taught me most of what I know, you encourage me to challenge myself and push the limit, and even though you don't always show it, you believe in me and my dreams.
I couldn't ask for someone who understands me, forces me to face myself, and makes me own up to my consequences more than you do.
You've guided me, protected me, loved me, travelled the world with me, altered my thinking, partied hard with me, and accepted me. Whenever we have a falling out, I know it's never the end- not just because we're family, but because we complete each other. You're the yin to my yang, the milk to my Lucky Charms, and the Brain to my Pinky.
As my tarot-card reader once put it, we're one soul, divided in half and that is why we'll always find our way back to each other...

30 Day Challenge: DAY 1: Me

Day 1: A picture of you and 15 facts

1. I have a deeply embedded love affair with readings/books/literature and am obsessed with the idea of recording one's internal workings on paper (or blog, for what its worth :p)
2. I need to be challenged in order to be productive.
3. I'm misunderstood.
4. I hate the texture/smell/taste of most seafood, but envy those who know their seafood.
5.  Yellow and black are my favourite colours, but I wear too much black!
6. I often toy with the idea of picking a destination at random, buying a one-way flight and seeing what unfolds (till reality reminds me of the limits of being a female).
7. I'm deathly scared of failing at life, and that is the source of much of my restlessness
8. I'm a dreamer in the thorough-est sense, and sometimes that can distract me from acting on my dreams
9. The number one place I want to see most is India, followed by 25634 other places I wanna see before I die.
10. I'm drawn to people who can vibe with my thoughts, challenge my thinking, provide insight into who I am, discuss current affairs with me, engage in thought-provoking conversations, and see the world on multi-levels like I do
11. "I'm like Che Guevarra with bling on, I'm complex"- I often find myself torn between the innate materialist with a capitalist mentality who dwells within me, and the idealist with humanitarian values and a sometimes overly-whimsical vision of how I can change the world.
12. I place certain people on high pedastools, and unfortunately this has made me all-too familiar with disappointment.
13. I hate tomato insides, spicy food, white onions, chicken wings, raisins, dark chocolate, bacon (and most red meat), pizza toppings, etc, etc, etc- I guess I might be a bit of a picky eater 
14. I can be kinda selective when it comes to guys, and that usually gives a wrong impression about me
15. I find I'm usually drawn to men/friends/acquaintances who are older in age

30 Day Challenge

I was on my cousin's Facebook a couple of weeks ago, when I noticed something she was doing that really caught my attention. Enter: the 30 Day Challenge.
Based on the 30-Day Tumblr Challenge in which post-ers were asked to post something new everyday (i.e Day X- favourite song, Day Z- photo of someone you love, etc.), this one is picture-based. The idea is to help others gain some insight into who you are at your core, while teaching something new about yourself to those who already know you well.
Anyways, it seemed like a really cool idea, and when I noticed how creative/unique my cousin's choice of photos were, I felt obliged to take part.


The list is as follows:


Day 1: A picture of you and 15 facts
Day 2: A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.
Day 3: A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 4: A picture of your night.
Day 5: A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 6: A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.
Day 7: A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 8: A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 9: A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10: A picture of the person you do the most fucked up things with.
Day 11: A picture of something you hate.
Day 12: A picture of something you love.
Day 13: A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14: A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15: A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16: A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17: A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18: A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19: A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20: A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21: A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22: A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23: A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24: A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25: A picture of your day.
Day 26: A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27: A picture of something you like to do often.
Day 28: A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day 29: A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30: A picture of someone you miss.




Look out for my pictures!!

Building castles in the air...

"if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.


 He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; 
new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings.


 In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. 


If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them."


- Henry David Thoreau - ("Walden")

Jay Z's insightful look into hip hop...

"The story of the rapper and the story of the hustler are like rap itself, two kinds of rhythm working together, having a conversation with each other, doing more together than they could do apart..." (Jay Z, 10)

So there's been quite the hype about Jay's new book: Decoded. When I first posted a book of myself reading it on FB, I got almost as much feedback as I got about Willi Monfret's pic (and that was A LOT) lol.
Anyway, much to the dismay of some of my friends, I actually had pre-ordered Decoded, which was released on November 16. That day I went to pick it up the Eaton's Centre Indigo, and felt the sting of paying $40 (about $36 'cause I'm an "irewards member" *eyeroll*). Lemme just make it clear, I like saving money just as much as the next person, but I'm not exactly stingy; as an English major I've learned to never pay FULL COVER PRICE for a book.


So I got this book, and I hopped on the subway to make my way to class, and as I'm flipping through it I can't help but smile. I mean, I've seen "compilation" type memoirs before, but this is somehow different- it's actually kinda visually appealing. The pages change in colour, font style/size, imagery, use of text, photography, and lyrical analysis- like this, for example:

So anyways, due to the great old learning structure at U of T, I wont be able to actually ready the entire thing until winter break.
I read about the first 40 pages or, just to get a feel for it, and I guess you could say I almost had mixed feelings about it. I mean, some of things I read, I just had the instinct to either roll my eyes or dismiss them as over-exaggerations. Luckily though, that didn't really happen too often.

 I also found myself asking, what does Jay Z mean to us?- if he actually felt warranted to publish a bio. Well essentially, he means a lot to us- us as in hiphop listeners but also as in pop culture contributors/consumers; the latter provides a huge audience to the likes of Jay Z. Essentially, Jay Z is one of the most successful artists in a genre he watched spring up, and then helped to grow and expand. Jay Z, I would argue, is hiphop's Leonardo Da Vinci. Okay, Okay, before you start cursing at your screens, just consider what kind of comparison I'm trying to draw here. Take into account things like: what these artists have contributed to their respective art forms, how mainstream audiences respond to each artist, the level of undeniable talent each artist possesses, the parallel myths and exaggerations surrounding the two (Illuminati, anyone?), their places as pop cultural icons, and their huge successes both as artists and as manipulators of their environment (Da Vinci was a better inventor than artist, and Jay-well, we all know that all that money aint from rapping, alone).

I actually found it to be for the most part, insightful, thoughtful, and really explanatory. Jay is someone who has been there to see hiphop bloom, so at the very least, he can provide some insight into this growth. He's had first-hand experience with some of the events that have shaped this art form, like hearing Run D.M.C's "Sucker M.C.s" record for the first time, the debut of the first hiphop radio show (hosted by DJ Red Alert), and the first hiphop performance to be broadcast on TV.

Plus, as arguably one of the best lyricists of our time, you've gotta appreciate the innate writer who dwells within Jay Z the rapper. Jay has mastered the English language in the way our favourite authors have. He's mastered punchlines, metaphors, double entendres, complex rhymes, and knows how to manipulate his extensive vocabulary.

Finally, as one of the most successful hiphop artists, Jay necessarily understands, or has a legitimate perspective on hiphop. He does a good job of paralleling this with his own personal life, like in my favourite passage (so far, of course):

"My life after childhood has two main stories: the story of the hustler and the story of the rapper, and the two overlap as much as they diverge... People sometimes say that now I'm so far away from that life- that I have no right to rap about it. But how distant is the story of your own life ever going to be? The feelings that I had during that part of my life were burned into me... 

I went dead broke and got hood rich on those streets. I hated it. I was addicted to it. It nearly killed me. But no matter what, it is the place where I learned not just who I was, but who we were, who all of us are... It's my core story... that core story is the one that I have to tell... 

The story of the hustler was the story hiphop was born to tell- not its only story, but the story that found its voice in the form and, in return, helped grow the form into an art... 

Rap is also entertainment- and art... hustling is the ultimate metaphor for the basic human human struggles: the struggle to survive and resist, the struggle to win and make sense of it all..." (Jay Z, 18)