"God is Dead!"

After running on E (I'm operating on 4 hours of sleep, a night of partying and a long day at work) all day, the only thing I want to do is have my bath and hide under the covers, skipping my nightly reading and phone call returns and instead drifting away to the dream world... But, it's nearly 12 a.m and "something" (or someone?) has compelled me to put up this post before the clock strikes 12 and Easter Sunday is no more.
So where to begin? Or where to end...? I guess the first thing that strikes me is how vividly I can remember details of my childhood Easters. Waking up early to red-dyed eggs. Distractedly sitting through the 3 hour mass. Eating a huge meal, complete with roast lamb and sweet buns. Running around with kids and looking for plastic eggs around the church basement. The overall bombardment with furry bunnies, chocolate eggs and images of Christ. The same scene would replay year after year. 
Until the Easter Sundays became few and far between, in perfect accordance with my feelings of lost touch with religion, whatever that now is. It was like suddenly all the childhood illusions and smoky mirrors began to be revealed for what they were, and along with that came the infinitely tormenting questions that I perceive the average "doubter" is forced to confront. 
I felt betrayed. I felt hoodwinked. I felt as if everything I had come to "know" was being shown in a new light, and that light was about as flattering as the shaved-head look was for Britney... I felt forced to take up arms against this new enemy, religion, and thus began my personal vendetta...
It is only nowadays, as I find myself deep in thought on long, sleepless nights, or on those lonely rainy afternoons, or in situations of overwhelming despair do I look for that old, smug feeling. That "I don't care what happens because the The Big Guy will always be on my side" attitude. The overall sense of belonging to the bigger picture. It is in these events that I almost seem to lose hope in the battle, become disillusioned by the very idea that a battle necessarily exist. I guess in the end all I'm looking for is inner serenity...
This topic is by no means exhausted. And just as I find myself facing it regularly, so too do I think it is necessary to visit with it now and again. 
I'd like to think Nietzsche was right in his observation. But I guess it is my most deepest of self doubts that seem to work against his claims...


Oi! Look at that- I have 3 minutes to spare..