Today when I left class I found myself hysterically running to the station, yet in no real rush to get anywhere. I hit the ground running and literally did not look back (or around, at the startled expressions of my fellow pedestrians) until I’d made it to the station and became distracted with the fare-paying.
But do you ever wish you could literally just pick up and runaway from life? Run, to no particular destination but away. Rush, with no time restraint, but with the intention of outrunning your thoughts?
As I felt the wind toying with my hair, resisting against my force I forgot to think. For that instance, for even that brief, fleeting moment, I could forget. Or maybe not forget, as the thoughts came rushing back as soon as I sat down, but rather ignore. Every doubt that had been spewed in my face, every reminder of my countless fuckups, and every angry, bitter, disappointed, mournful voice- everything was silent.
All I could hear, all I could focus on was the rhythm of my steps on the concrete. The rhythm compelling me to keep running, because stopping even for a moment would undo all the unthinking I was doing.
But life doesn’t work that way. You get onto the metaphorical subway, nestled among dozens of your own kind, yet alone and an outsider at the same time. No friendly words or smiles exchanged, and no small talk about the weather outside. And that’s when it all comes rushing in, hitting you like a ton of bricks, one-by-one but within seconds of eachother. A jumble of words, images, phrases and thoughts come flying at you, aimed at your spirit and unrelentless until they do what they came here for: to break you down. Like an unexpecting matador suddenly thrown into a pen of raging bulls, each bearing a haunting resemblance to your own image…
Where can you run now? When you're surrounded? Yet alone...
No comments:
Post a Comment
Pick my brain and leave some of yours!