This is not a love song

I guess it's only appropriate that I sit here writing this post alone in my room, sweatpants on, staring at the back of my Blackberry's Ed Hardy case: "Love Kills Slowly"...


I'm starting to notice a common motif floating around. I can't quite put my finger on this sudden influx of "love in the air". I donno if it's just spring (love-making season), the post-holiday rebound time, or the bombardment of recent romance-themed movies. Something is definitely up though, and I will sooner or later get to the bottom of it..Speaking as someone who has never been in love, I guess I'm able to gain more of a witness stance. I've watched, listened, and been present time and again for hook ups, break ups, and make ups and have often been (don't ask why) the source of advice for family and friends when it comes to matters of the heart. I think it has something to do with the fact that I can give them a no-nonesense, honest and unbiased opinion about which path to take. I don't know that I necessarily enjoy being the (all too often) bearer of bad news, or being the person who tells them what they subconsciously know but can't bear to hear- but I do it anyway. If these ears could talk, they would have tons of love stories- some ill-fated & some fairytale-esque- to share...


All of this is fine and dandy until I reflect back on my own love stories, or lack thereof. Anybody who knows me knows I don't spend too much of my time pursuing young men, or even falling for the cat-and-mouse game. I'm that chick you DON'T wanna bring to a romantic movie (tearjerkers, meet your match!), nor do I indulge myself in corny little romance novels. I never leave a "paper-trail" of my past, but every so often a guy comes around who woo's me- not that I would let them know. It's like I've increasingly become disillusioned by love, without even allowing myself to dip a toe in the river (so to speak). Which raises my dilemma.


While its true that I have been there to wrap the bandages of broken hearts, listen to gag-worthy anecdotes, and sit back and watch love triangles unfold in front of me, I feel ever more compelled to get in the game myself. Call me crazy, but is it okay to yearn for the feeling of a broken heart? Is it finally time for me to cave in? I say that thinking back to the dudes who have come and gone. The ones who thought they had the tightest game, and the ones who genuinely put all their feelings on the line, took a chance on me, and told me exactly how I made them feel.


I've long excused myself for being cynical about love, drawing attention to the failed fairy tales and time wasted. Maybe I should be looking at it another way. Perhaps, as an intuitive friend helpfully pointed out, I should look at what's to gain from love- or at least from a healthy relationship. I truly believe that ultimately we're all individual souls floating around and hoping to bump into our counterparts. Sometimes we're lucky enough to find them. Other times we settle for a special person who gives us that momentous feeling. Whatever the case is, I think it may be time for me to loose of my inhibitions and allow myself to be open to the possibilities. By no means am I suggesting that I will throw myself at any body- it takes a lot more to "wow" me than a well crafted selection of words. Instead, I will learn to embrace that "butterfly" feeling, rather than reject it with every fibre of my being.


Hey, you do know what they say, right- "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em"
If worse comes to worse, there's nothing a few friend-provided "bandages"  can't fix...